Living Your Marriage Vows: A Sign of Contradiction Newly Married Retreat

Living Your Marriage Vows: A Sign of Contradiction
Newly Married Retreat
Saturday, February 2, 2019
Fr Humberto Palomino, PES

Today we celebrate the PRESENTATION OF THE LORD.
Mary and Joseph are a young married couple. They are new parents, bringing their infant Son to be presented to the Lord. As married couples, you can all put yourselves in their shoes.
But we know also that this is a very ironic moment. It was traditionally a time for the ritual purification of the mother, and of course Mary is the spotless virgin, with no need for purification. And Jesus is God Incarnate.  He is God in the 2nd person of the Trinity and there is no need to present him to God. 

We know that as faithful and obedient Jews, Mary and Joseph traveled to Jerusalem with Jesus, to present Him in the Temple.
It is there that they have this interesting encounter with Simeon.
We hear that Simeon is “righteous and devout, awaiting the consolation of Israel.” We get this beautiful sense from his prayer (we call it the Canticle of Simeon) that Simeon has been waiting and even LONGING for this moment for a LONG TIME 

He says to God, “Master, you may let your servant go in peace…for my eyes have seen your salvation.”
It is what Simeon says next, which we only find in the longer version of this Gospel at Mass, that I would like to use as our jumping off point for the thoughts I have for you this morning.
We hear that Simeon blessed this little family. 

And then he turned to Mary.
And he said to her, “Behold, this child is destined for the fall and rise of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be contradicted, and you yourself a sword will pierce.”
On your wedding day, you INVITED JESUS AND MARY into your marriage. Because of that, your marriage should stand apart as something different. You will share the LIFE of Jesus and Mary through your marriage. It’s a GREAT GIFT and brings GREAT MEANING to your marriage. It also means that your marriage should reflect Jesus and Mary. It should be A SIGN of God’s Love. That means that you too will be CONTRADICTED by the world at times. 

Your hearts might even be PIERCED at times, because of who you are.
Your marriage will be COUNTERCULTURAL. 

As I said, you will be different in some way…you will stand apart.
But because you have invited Jesus and Mary into your marriage, many souls will be touched by the GOODNESS OF GOD. 

You will become LIGHT for your family and friends…and for our culture. Remember what happened at the Wedding Feast at Cana.
Because Jesus and Mary were invited into that marriage, water was turned into WINE. 

It wasn’t just wine, it was the BEST WINE. 

And it wasn’t just for the couple who were married, it was for ALL THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
Because that young couple invited Jesus and Mary into their marriage, and shared in their living as a SIGN OF CONTRADICTION, they also became a SIGN OF GOD’S LOVE to others.
Everyone who was there that day received the NEW WINE…THE GOODNESS OF GOD.
This morning I want to talk with you about WHY it is that inviting Jesus and Mary into your marriage will make you different…why it will make you countercultural.
And I want to get into some PRACTICAL ways that simply living out your marriage vows will make that happen. 
You are inviting Jesus and Mary into your marriage by being here…
By choosing to get married in the Catholic Church…
By choosing a SACRAMENTAL marriage, with all that means. 

By the vows you chose to make on your wedding day.
And when you invite Jesus and Mary into your marriage, they teach you gradually, more and more, to LOVE like them.
You become LIGHT for others.
You become a SIGN OF GOD’S LOVE. 

That is the way that God’s GOODNESS is brought to light through you.
That is the NEW WINE that He wants to give through you. 

On your wedding day, you made these vows to each other and to God:
You took each other as husband and wife.
“To have and to hold from this day forward.”
And then the important part…which interestingly is omitted in many Protestant or non-denominational wedding ceremonies… 

“FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE…”
“FOR RICHER, FOR POORER…”
“IN SICKNESS AND HEALTH…”
“UNTIL DEATH DO US PART…”
There is no doubt that if those words are really meant, they point to a COUNTERCULTURAL kind of love. 

In our culture today, it’s very common to say “I love you until…”
I love you until you change in ways I don’t like… 

I love you until you take too much from me…
I love you until you stop loving me…
I remember a story about a young Catholic couple. 

They met because they were both marathon runners 

They loved to spend time together outdoors, running or hiking.
They were active and full of enthusiasm for life. 

On their honeymoon they were in a terrible car accident.
The wife became paralyzed.
Instantly their life changed, before they had even opened the gifts or written the thank you notes. She couldn’t run any more, and she wasn’t going to be able to run for their rest of their life together. 

What this couple imagined for their marriage was not going to happen.
But that didn’t change anything about the way they loved each other.
They had invited Jesus and Mary into their wedding, and He was still going to make new wine through them.
Everything changed…all of their plans…but because of that their love had a chance to really GO DEEP. I think they probably were a better reflection of GOD’S GOODNESS than if they had both remained healthy until old age. 

There are probably many who would say that the ending of their marriage, though sad, would have been JUSTIFIED.
But because this couple chose to really LIVE their marriage vows…for better and for worse, in sickness and  in health…
 …their love waz COUNTERCULTURAL. 

It was SUPERNATURAL.
It was MORE than the love we see in the world.
In his book Deus Caritas Est (which means “God is Love”), Pope Benedict talks about 3 kinds of love. 

There is Eros, Filios and Agape love
He points out that as fallen human beings, our love – even our “Eros” or romantic love – needs to be TRANSFORMED.
By nature, we tend to be SELF SEEKING.
In the story I told you, there are all sorts of UTILITARIAN reasons why either the man or woman might justify ending the marriage.
Our culture teaches us to think in UTILITARIAN WAYS…what will benefit me most, or even what we think might benefit our culture most?
If love is limited by these dangerous ideas, it could be argued…
This isn’t what I agreed to when I said “I do”
Maybe now she can’t work the way she planned…there are economic consequences to her injury.
Maybe it will affect where the couple can live, whether they can travel.
It might even affect (at least temporarily) the personality of either the husband or the wife…there might be struggles with depression, or anxiety.
Maybe now they can’t have the family they planned on having, the way they planning on having it.
But THE LIFE OF CHRIST teaches us that we need to learn to give ourselves away.
It’s the opposite of utilitarian thinking.
And it’s the only way to find real HAPPINESS.
Our love needs to be PURIFIED.
Inviting Jesus and Mary in to your marriage will do that.
It is the LIFE OF JESUS, as we find it in Scripture, that really introduces the idea of AGAPE love  – a love that goes beyond itself.
Pope Benedict said:
“This Word (the 2nd person of the Trinity) expresses the experience of a love which involves real discovery of the other, moving beyond the selfish character that prevailed earlier.  Love now becomes concern and care for the other.  No longer is it self-seeking, a sinking in the intoxication of happiness; instead it seeks the good of the beloved: it becomes renunciation and it is ready, and even willing, for sacrifice.”
That is certainly a countercultural kind of love, isn’t it?
It’s a CRUCIFIED LOVE – the love of Jesus on the Cross.
But also the love of Mary and Joseph at Nazareth…
The simplicity of day-to-day ABANDONMENT to the will of God.
Doing what is GOOD and HOLY in ordinary life…
…instead of what might seem to benefit me most.
Remember that just because it’s SIMPLE doesn’t mean it’s EASY.
It’s not easy at all to live AGAPE love.
Which means it’s not easy at all to live your MARRIAGE VOWS.
But you have chosen SACRAMENTAL MARRIAGE, and there are real graces there that make it possible.
St John Paul II said:
“The Spirit which the Lord pours forth gives a new heart and renders man and woman capable of loving one another as Christ loved us.  Conjugal love reaches that fullness to which it is interiorly ordained: conjugal charity.”  [Familiaris Consortio, 13]
This kind of love is obviously not modeled in our culture today.
This is a love that puts the other first and that is ready to DIE, in little ways and sometimes big ways, for the other.
What does this mean for you PRACTICALLY?
It means that in marriage, you aren’t looking for a measured 50/50 giving.
You aren’t saying, I’ll give only so far, and you give the rest of the way.
You are each giving fully – 100/100.
This doesn’t mean that one person has the license to let the other person do all the giving.
In marriage, neither can sit back and wait for the other to give to them.
Each person has to learn to give and to receive.
To ALWAYS GIVE is PRIDE – it is refusing to admit your need to receive.
To ALWAYS RECEIVE is PRIDE too – it is putting yourself at the center, and not thinking about the other.
Sometimes the best thing, in fact, is to GIVE WHAT I FEEL I NEED MOST.
If you are sad, try helping someone else who is sad.
If you are lonely, try thinking of someone else who might feel lonely, and invite them to lunch.
God often uses our GIVING OF OURSELVES to give us what we ourselves need.
That’s what St Francis of Assisi meant in his famous prayer when he said, “For it is in giving that we receive.”
St Thomas Aquinas talks about this kind of self-giving love as FRIENDSHIP LOVE. 
It is loving the other for their own good, even at my own expense.
 It means LAYING DOWN YOUR LIFE.
Jesus says:
“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.”  [Jn 15: 13]
Selfish love thinks about what you can get from the other.
But friendship love – loves for their good, even at your own expense.
This kind of love is only possible because GOD LOVES US FIRST. 

God became man to model this kind of love for us.
And He has raised us up and given us the grace we need to follow Him in loving.
It is only because of God’s grace that it is possible for us to love with a CRUCIFIED LOVE.
The real test of this is when you LOVE YOUR SPOUSE IN THEIR WEAKNESS. 

It’s the “good times and bad, sickness and health” part of the wedding vows.
That means everything….
When the baby is crying at night, and you are both exhausted.
When you lose your job. 

When you have to deal with your spouse’s character defects, and even sins. 

What a beautiful thing it is to find LOVE in these times. 

It is the gift of realizing that your spouse SEES YOUR WEAKNESS and still loves you.
God is really made present in this moment, because God always loves us in our weakness. 

When we love like this it is like that moment at the Wedding Feast at Cana when Jesus changed water into the best wine and it was received by all.
The GOODNESS of God is made manifest through us in the world.
The living of your marriage vows becomes a SIGN OF CONTRADICTION THAT BRINGS LIGHT INTO THE WORLD.
Often in hidden ways…like Mary and Joseph in Nazareth.
But with POWER…the POWER OF THE CROSS.
St Therese of Lisieux called that power in Mary her “EVANGELICAL HUMILITY.”
Because it is only real love…agape love…that has the power to EVANGELIZE.
Only real love…crucified love…CHANGES HEARTS.
There is nothing more beautiful or more powerful than the CROSS
When you invite Jesus and Mary into your marriage you become VERY POWERFUL IN GOD’S WORK OF SALVATION.
You become a SIGN OF CONTRADICTION in the way Jesus is a sign of contradiction for the world.
You place yourselves into the hands of GOD and He will MAKE WINE!